As I grow older I look back at my childhood and wonder what the fuck people were thinking. I remember seeing ads in the back of comic books for Sea Monkeys. I remember asking my parents constantly to let me buy it and my dad always saying "it's a load of crap."
Now as an adult I still want them. My only reasoning is that it is fucking stupid and I would just like to see my wife's reaction to coming home from work and seeing them hatch on our kitchen counter.
If you don't know what sea monkeys are or have never seen them they are brine shrimp that hatch when you put them in water. The ads used to use these cartoon sperm to help sell them to children like me.
Maybe I'll fall in love with them and make a magical sea monkey village and museum where I can charge admission. Maybe $6 for adults and $2.50 for kids up to age 11. Kids under 2 will be free of course. We can have a snack bar, gift shop,and interactive show.
The place would be called Sea Monkey World. We would use the Sea World sign but put a little carrot in between "Sea" and "World" and spraypaint in "Monkey" all classylike.
Hey, if Dolly Parton can open a boobtastic theme park, then I'm sure my magical land of Sea Monkeys will flourish.
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