Kwanzaa

Kwanzaa is a holiday we have all heard about by now. It is supposedly equal to Christmas and Hanukkah, but is as highly regarded as Festivus. Everyone jokes about it quietly, but I'll be the one to question it as loudly and obnoxiously as possible here.

Nobody knows what the fuck Kwanzaa is. We all know that it was invented in the 60's and is celebrated by African Americans. Don't get me wrong I am not a racist and think that people should honor their culture. I don't think making up random holidays is celebrating your culture.

I know that Christmas and Hanukkah represent and celebrate miracles that happened way before toilet paper was invented. We have no real way of confiming if they actually happened. However, Kwanzaa was invented by a guy who basically wanted to stick it to the white man and offer a third holiday.

Even if you're going to invent a holiday at least make it not resemble the other ones you are against. Hannukah has 8 nights, Kwanzaa 7 days...ooooooooooohh big difference. One fucking day. The Jews light a minora and Kwanzaa has a kinara. Copycats.

I think I will invent my own holiday next year. I will call it Shleplick. It will be celebrated for 9 days. We will light a candleholder called a finera. There will be lots presents and we will eat baked spam. Until then...