Aerosol Shit Cans

Why do we have aerosol cans for after somebody takes a shit? What is the point? We have them in our house and I still don't get the point. It is ridiculous.

What is the point of spraying half a can of pine ice (whatever the fuck that is) to cover up your nasty fecal explosion?

First off you are helping to kill the environment faster. Secondly it still smells like shit. Now it smells like you ate five pounds of rotting pine cones and just shit it out. You're not fooling anybody.

Do us all a favor and either crack a window and/or light a match. If that doesn't work then feel free to pound yourself on the head with the aerosol can until you die and we don't need to worry about your stinky ass.

Sex and the City

I know I'm going to sound sexist, but it's my site so go fuck yourself if you get offended. I hate hearing about this goddamn show. It has been over for a few years and now the movie is on dvd and I must hear about it over and over and over again.

I have no problem with women enjoying it. If you like the show and find it entertaining, then that is fine. What I never want to hear anyone say is that it is empowering to women. How is that shit empowering? Even feminist groups agree with me that it revolves too much around sex and extreme materialism. So there. I actually agree with feminists.

I understand they all live in the city and they are best friends and they have successful careers. That is not empowering, that is life. They should have jobs and friends. All this show really did is emphasize stereotypes about women. If you don't believe me how come every episode has them sitting around and gabbing like a bunch of yentas? What about the obsession with shopping and expensive ass designers that most women couldn't afford?

One of them sleeps around and is pretty much a slut. I know most women will say that I would think it would be ok if she were a guy. Not at all. He would be an asshole, but I wouldn't say he is empowering.

I have seen a few episodes and it is the same shit over and over again. Like I said before, if you like it that is fine. Just don't start spewing about how this show is liberating or I might puke on your Payless shoes that you wish were Manolo Blahniks.

Urinals

I stopped at a rest stop off of I-95 today. I really had to take a leak. Anyways, I get into the bathroom and they have 5 urinals all right next to each other and they were full. The men using it had no room. They were rubbing elbows and seemed really uncomfortable.

I don't understand this philosophy. Why are there so few urinals and why are they so close? If it is like that why don't they just remove all the urinals and have a giant hole in the middle of the floor. We can all just go piss in it and there would be a giant urinal cake floating on the floor. I mean let's face it, a men's room has piss all over the floor anyway. At least this way I don't have to wait 10 minutes to uncomfortably rub my elbows next to some stranger.

Either that or spread the fucking urinals around the giant bathroom. Have a bathroom stall seperate each urinal. That would make a lot more sense than throwing that shit in a corner. I bet you anything some handicapped guy designed this standard bathroom setting. What does he care? He has the giant fucking stall in there!

Parental Timeshare

I love kids. I think they are fun, they can be cute, and basically don't know how shitty the world is. I respect that. Everyone keeps asking when I'm going to have a kid. Not right now. I enjoy my sleep, my R-rated movies, and the fact that the only ass I have to wipe is my own.

I'm not saying I don't want kids, but not right now. Maybe in a year or two things will change. I was thinking that we should start a national parental timeshare. It would be like a foster home, except you would actually love the kid and not beat the shit our of them.

You would pay to "own" the child for certain days, months, or even years that you want to be involved. I would personally want to spend some time while it is still an infant to see it as a cute baby. Maybe a day or two. I would then ship him/her off until they are in 2nd grade. This is when they are enjoyable. I would keep the kid until around 6th grade. Then I would ship them off and that's about it.

Fuck the teething, the terrible twos, teen angst, pregnancy scares, and poverty. I don't need it thank you.

Telemundo

Hands down the best t.v station ever. I have no clue what the fuck they're saying, but I am always entertained. If you are ever bored and there is nothing to watch on t.v. flip on the the ol' Spanish channel and you will feel reborn.

The funny thing about Telemundo is they have two types of people. The first are the gorgeous ones. The second are the nasties. There is no middleground here. The guys either look like George Clooney ten years ago or Ron Jeremy basically anytime. The women for the most part are drop dead gorgeous. Whether you are watching a gameshow or a commercial on diarrhea, the women are mostly hot. There are some nasties, but who am I to judge?

I love the variety shows. I love to turn on a show and watch blindfolded people throwing daggers at their significant other while wearing clown shoes and singing a love song. That is entertainment.

I also don't mind watching the news. The only reason for this is that I have no clue of what they are saying so it doesn't depress me as much.

Dick Pills Vs. Birth Control

If you're like me you might enjoy a good episode or two of the show Cheaters. Everytime I watch the show they always have an Enzyte commercial. This is the one where there is a guy named Bob who needs a hard on and takes the pills. The commercial has him smiling the whole time, there are lots of sexual innuendos, and an annoying whistling song. A dick pill during a show about infidelity? Interesting combo.

These commercials are annoying. They are just as annoying as birth control commercials. I always see the birth control commercials where it's al these women out to lunch or some shit and one just slips in the fact that she is on this new one. They all laugh and giggle and discuss how exactly it works. I believe this is true. Women do sit around and discuss thing like this. I know when I'm sitting around with a bunch of guys we like to discuss our toilet paper preferences when comparing our best deuce drops.

The one thing that ties these two types of commercials is the fact that the cons far outweigh the pros. Tied to every commercial is the warnings and they are downright scary. They say shit like: "Boner4All is not for everyone. Some people may experience death, heart attack, strokes, diabetes, loss of a limb, blindness, loss of hair, herpes, and the hiv. Please consut a doctor before starting Boner4All." If I could lose a limb from taking a boner pill, sex ain't that important...especially if that is the limb I could lose! Crazy horny fuckers.

Douchebags

So driving through my town today I saw a bunch of wannabe hoodlums hanging outside of the laundromat. I don't know about you, but when I was a teen there was no cooler place to hang than a place to wash your clothes.

All the guys had their hats a little bit ajar. I think this goes along the lines of the popped collar. You wear your hat a little to the side, you're a fucking tool. It either looks like you're retarded or had a seizure.

What douche woke up one morning and decided to tilt his hat to the side? Was he attempting to turn it backwards but lost his train of thought and just left it?

I admit that when I was in college I wore my hat backwards. At least I followed through with the full turn on the head. I didn't stop 1/8 of the way. I'm not lazy like these little bitches. At least they make Whoppers.